And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
