I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
