guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
