Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
