How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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