Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
