You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
