im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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