I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
