Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
