So drunk its hurt
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
