Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
