How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
