East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My legs feel like baby dolphins
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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