I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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