First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
