If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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