That's intense
Plan B is the new Plan A
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
