Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
