happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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