Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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