Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
