I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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