When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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