The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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