The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
