I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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