Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
