she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
