omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
