you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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