Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
