My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
