I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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