just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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