We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
