I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
