dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
