**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
