woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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