I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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