Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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