Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
BRING THE BAGELS
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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