now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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