She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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