college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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