Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize