nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
