I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize