When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize