I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a naked man in my car right now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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