They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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