I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
