never play flip cup with pint glasses
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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