Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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