ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
