Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
