She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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