how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sorry about my life...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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