ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
