We're facebook friends in real life
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
