i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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