can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
