His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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