So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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