The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
