just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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