why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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