I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
vagina is talking i cant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
