my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
