New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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