Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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