I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
