Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
