M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
