According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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