The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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