Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
