I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
