Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
