1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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