If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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