hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
