Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
