he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
