It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
