I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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