I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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